Stuff
Mood:  blue
How old were you when you stopped playing with damn pokemon cards? Ye man like 4~`~`~

I was in Abu-Dhabi and i was shopping for some Cd's, this tall mwatin guy with a dishdasha comes up to me and says yakhi, taba tillab maayay bokemon?(with a strain on the B) i told him i didn't have any cards on me so i told him maybe some other time. So i go into the Cd shop laughing my ass off like a little demented fool. People were observing my strange behaviour and were laughing too, cuz i got a funny laugh man, eventually the whole friggin store was crackling up and laughing like demented fools too, i thought to myself... "Where don't i fit in?"
:D Yo DooNZ Mos Def is da friggin bomb mayn :D
REcommEnded songs to my viewers:
Mos Def:
Love (excellent)
Kalifornia (excellent)
Ms. Fat Booty (excellent)
One life, One love (excellent ~got a sweet ass beat~)
Hip-Hop (pwetty good)
Jam on it (pwetty good)

Any good movies you need to know about, tell me in your comment, if you do comment that is *wink wink*
*looks away and finishes his bar of chocolate*

Bad newZ Y'ALL!!!
The hip-hop, beat droppin, lemon squeezin MooLZ has officially equipped his mouth with braces!!! (ceramic almost invisible brackets to be eggzact)
~This story is absolutely 0% fiction and has occured during MooLZ's lifetime~
Let me tell yo smelly asses all about it:
"Come on Habiby, the driver is waiting downstairs" says the mother.
"Where are we going this time oh dear mother? Is it your boring non air-conditioned friends house?"
"No, were going to the dentist to get you braces"
Sweet mother of kaka!!! i think to myself... We get out of the house and go down to the car, i sit there and wait. Tick, tock, tick ,tock... I await my doom. We got out of the car and walk into the dentist's *work shop* i sit there, my life flashing before my eyes, i think about my reputaion for being *the cool guy around here*, but then it will be *the cool guy around here... with braces* They inject about 6 injections into my mouth.
The feeling of my mouth intact with my body slowly withered away, till all i could feel was a big......nothing. I got really dizzy and almost passed out. The sound of my mom talking to the surgeon faded into the darkness, everything turned wavy and unfocused. I fell asleep... dreaming that i was in a world of teeth and ice-cream. I woke up and saw this guy staring down at my face and asking me if i was alright.
The surgeon wearing a hillbilly hat and a straw in his mouth comes to me with a pair of plyers and says, "You gowwwwn die bitch!"
Nah, he told me that all i would feel was pressure but minimal pain. He pulled out four teeth, and cut the muscle from under my toung(don't ask why). The orthodontist walks in and puts me to sleep... she forced me to drink this nasty ass poison, i thought she was trying to kill me with some arsenic. Well i fell asleep, she put the braces on me and everything.
For around 8 days, I had trouble eating and adjusting with my new braces... to tell you the truth half the people in my class didn't notice till i told them i was wearing the damn thing.
For all the people who are gonna get braces... my words of advise, Don't worry about getting brackets, i thought by getting 'em... everyone would make fun of me and call me pottery man (cuz i got ceramic braces). But no one said shit, i was truly surprised, people don't give a rat's ass what you look like, they take in your heart not what you got in your mouth... i'm gettin all sentimental and shit so i'm gonna stop now before i start cracking myself up :D umm... ==Don't Drink and Drive==

~~~By the way my cat was sleeping on my lap all the way through writing this~~~

Money
MooLZ story:
When I was growing up, money wasn't especially tight, but my mom was a real penny pincher anyway. She would collect coins, and roll them so that she could deposit them in the bank. She was rolling a roll of dimes, and a roll of nickels, and I in my ever lasting wisdom at age 5, I decided they would make a tasty snack. I ate 2 nickels, and a dime.

It so happens that she had saved just enough to make the rolls, and when she was short, she asked me if I had taken them. I told her I had eaten them, and that I had put them in my mouth. She told me to let her know when I had to use the bathroom, and not to flush the toilet. After I took a shit, she went in after me, and with a spoon, sifted through my shit to find the missing coins...and she did find them. She washed them off, put them in the rolls, and deposited them in the bank.

Moral of the story: Don't ever put a nickel or a dime in your mouth, because it may have been in my ass...

The shawarma thief
Mood:  caffeinated
Introduction: The shawarma thief brings terror to all the hearts of Jacksonville city. He is the most professional kleptomaniac in all the land, no one knows his real identity except one man... and that man is a spy who works for the SDB (Shawarma Desecration Business), he is disguised as an FBI agent.

I used to own a shawarma stand in the ghetto, but not anymore... One day, he came... I had no idea he was a crook, he looked like an ordinary man but carried his trusty empty "Evil plastic bag." I nicely asked him, "Heyy wussup! WHyZ you be carrying'ing an emptY plastic bag........yo?"
"Its my good luck...ummm...plastic bag," he replied.
In my head i was asking myself, what kind of fucked up person carries a good luck plastic bag around?
"Can i have 2 chicken shawarmas and hold the chilli"
"Aiight homey, gimme a minute"
I turn my head away from my consumer for 3 seconds and find all my meat had absolutely abolished from sight! I see my customer running away with his lucky plastic bag and all my meat inside it...
"YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU STOLE MY MEAT! IM GONNA EAT YO CHILDREN!"
Thats my story on how that bastard ruined my life...
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Another dramatic incident...
"I, the proud owner of a fancy restaurant in Toronto, Canada was robbed by... im too scared to mention his name in public..."
I was closing down my restaurant for the night and a customer walked into the crystal clear glass door and severly "injured himself". I asked him, "Sir are you ok?!"
"You know what would make me feel better?" He asked me.
"What?" I questioned him.
"A chicken shawarma, but hold the chilli please"
I make it for the bread and 2 seconds later i see him running away with a fairly large bag with all my meat stuffed inside it.
"COME BACK HERE FOOL! IF I FIND OUT WHO YOU ARE, ILL RING YOUR NECK!
After that day i shut down my fancy diner which resulted in a whole bunch of people losing their jobs...

Russki liFE
Mood:  irritated
RuSSkiiZ---By the Way im in Moscow, Russia... don't ask how i ended up in this ...LOVELY/...CLEAN/...Friendly.. city

What buggs, annoys, agitates, pisses me about russians is everytime im out chillin wiff ma homieZ (some are black) they stare and STARE, sometimes i think they have staring problems... I mean, how would you like it if you were walking anywhere or especially in a foreign environment and u always feel like someone is loooooking at you or that feeling when u know someone is watching you... yes yes i know, i know... its *******(fucking) annoying!!!

Once i was casually walking down the road to get some Mc. Donalds for lunch wit one of ma friends cuz i was chillin with him... and this MOB of skinheads{click here for definition} were literally pointing at us (Ugh! How rude is that YO! heheee) and trying their best to swear in english... frankly i think it was quite funny and scary cuz i mean they are... skinheads(^click on the link above^) and they can...kill you.
Sooo i keep walking with my best act to ignore them but i seriously got kinda freaked out, and from the corner of my eye i noticed them power-walking towards me. My bud and I realised that they were coming
for us... so i was like "Dude, on the count of 3 we run alright? 1----------2----------3" so we ran and ran all the way to Mc. DonaldZ and survived once more from the horrible fright of knowing if you don't run... YOU' GONNA DIE BITCH!

Another incident occured in those enclosed and... whats that nice word... forsaken markets in Moscow, the city i've been talking about^^^---but remember this happened only months after my disembarkation in Moscow... enjoy this true story :)

Well... i was shopping for some cheap shit at the cheap-ass markets in this cheap-ass city known worldwide as MOSCOW *shiver shiver*
Ma homie and I were looking for some B-B guns(or airsoft guns) and we stumbled across another angry MOB, hehe ANGRY...MOB! GET IT ANGRY MOB! no, i don't get it either, im really tired... anyways we were just about to enter the shop when I noticed 6 guys following us, I wasn't sure if they were following us but who wouldn't get the impression.... Persuing my instincts I(the wise one) tell ma oh so dear clueless homey to get the ****(fuck) out of here and go somewhere else. Whilst departing from the shop, one of the half-man half-boy skinheads confronts me with an angry look and a really bad haircut, "Dai mne Diengi," he says as if im supposed to know what the hell dai mne diengi means... (Since ive lived here for 2 and a half years now i found out it means... Give Me Money) "I don't speak russian," i said countering him, and the bastard(sorry for the language but i really hate that guy...) laughs at me as if i cracked a hilarious joke. By this time, my buD was waiting for me outside cracking his ass off and telling me to ignore the hillbilly... he seriously looked like one. I managed to step out of the store, the hillbilly guy followed us for a few meters untill his angry mob catches up, we start running and make a right turn onto a road that i forgot was there... as soon as i turned i executed a matrix bullet-time dodge(well... it was more like a step backward) and escaped being run over by a speeding motorist. Thats how my beautiful day ended.

My first postage
Mood:  mischievious
My first post... How exciting... What should I say? What should I talk about?

Well today has been a shitload of shit...

----First I wake up all confused to look at the time and I see it is only 7:30 a.m Then I fall asleep again

then I wake up confused again and I look at the time and its 9:00 a.m Then I fall asleep again then I wake

up again to see its 2:00 p.m Ohh shit im late... i had to meet someone at 2 but i overslept. Then to add

to this disastrous situation i find that my wallet is missing which increases to the stress that is building up

every second in my large... buff... muscular... handsome body.(Yes i did brush my teeth)(Yes i did have a

shower)(Yes i can chew-gum and think at the same time) but i wont get into details...

I then find it somewhere *can't remember* and then i go for my mobile phone which is almost dead on
low battery.

I run downstairs and the guard who thinks i speak German harasses me and tells me his life story, i

thought by now he would have realised than i really dont speak German...

I run to the gate and call my friend to ask her where she is and he says, "Ohh yeah sorry man... i forgot all

about you..." but to my surprise she was right behind me but i didnt see her. We then take a cab to her

house and relax, listen to music... you know the usual *chilling* technique.

I thought it would be just us 3 but then we hear the door-bell ring and its her grandparents who

come to spend the day... i think to myself " Now she's done it! All that time of getting ready and being

harrased by a Nazi security guard finally payed off! *being sarcastic*"

Then it comes to my attention that its almost 8:00 p.m and i better get the **** out of here before the
real parents arrive... they didn't know i was there...

I leave the place, catch a cab back to my pad and finish the lovely day off by having a nice cold meal of the

usual and oh so popular 'rice and chicken'.

(this story is non-fictional and nothing but the truth)